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Got this marketing email by BitGo. I give it a 4/10 marketing grade.

Here's how I would re-write it to perform better and get more booked calls and revenue.

Analysis of their original email.

Reader as the hero: 2/10. Too much "we run / we do." The email is about BitGo.

Clear problem: 5/10. The pain is named, but it's buried in jargon and never made to actually sting.

Empathy + authority: 3/10. "Since 2013" buys authority. There's no empathy, and no sign they understand how it feels to run that mess day to day.

The plan: 2/10. "Decide one thing" reads like a riddle. People need to see steps before they'll book a call.

Call to action: 5/10. "Talk to the BitGo team" is passive.

Stakes: 4/10. The cost of doing nothing is implied but never spelled out.

Success vision: 2/10. They never paint what life looks like once the pain is solved. "Under your own brand" is the only hint.

Here's how I would rewrite it

Subject: great seeing you in Miami

Body:

Leon, good running into you at the Consensus Miami closing party.

Most banks, family offices, and exchanges I talk to face the same problem. The more crypto products you offer, the harder your own operation becomes to run.

First you hold bitcoin. Then you add trading for your clients. Then a stablecoin. Then yield. Each product needs a new system, new keys, and new risk management.

Each product release made sense on its own. The problem ultimately shows up later. Your team now spends its days reconciling balances across all of them, managing hundreds of keys and permissions, vetting counterparties, and proving to regulators exactly how assets moved.

All because every product you built needed its own system to manage. But now, it has made running your business slow and expensive.

That's the mess we take off your plate.

BitGo gives you a single infrastructure to run it all. Custody and institutional wallets you manage sit at the base. Everything else, trading, settlement, staking, financing, stablecoins, runs on top.

It's easy to manage and built to scale with you. The same technology that BitGo has used to secure digital assets since 2013.

It works in three steps:

1- We map the products you offer your clients, and the ones you're planning.
2- We show you which can run on one infrastructure instead of many systems.
3- You consolidate: fewer systems, lower cost, less to reconcile.

So before you add the next release, ask yourself, do I want this release to make my business easier, cheaper, and safer to manage?

If that's what you want, let's grab a time here [link] where our expert team will map out how we can save you time, save you cost, and reduce your risk.

[REP NAME]

P.S. We currently secure over $[X]B in digital assets for [#] institutions who trust us with their infrastructure.

P.P.S. If a stablecoin is anywhere on your roadmap, that's the one to get right early. Worth twenty minutes before you build it.

[EMAIL ENDS]

Why this works better:

1- Subject line sounds human. "great seeing you in Miami."

2- Lowercase and casual. Reads like a friend, not a vendor. Higher open rate.

3- Reader is the hero. Original opened with what BitGo does. Rewrite opens with the ideal customer's problem.

4- Pain is concrete. Jargon became things the ideal avatar feels: reconciling balances, hundreds of keys, regulators asking where assets move. Believable pain books calls.

5- Empathy before authority. Proves the authority understands the pain ("that's the mess we take off your plate").

6- A real plan, not a riddle. "Decide one thing" became three clear steps: map, consolidate, save. Booking a call feels like step one, not a leap.

7- CTA reframe for higher conversion. Not "talk to the team" but: do you want your next launch easier, cheaper, safer? Points at an outcome, not a chat.

8- Paints the after-state. Fewer systems, lower cost, less to reconcile. Gives the ideal avatar a picture worth saying yes to.

9- One word per idea. Original swapped systems/infrastructure/rails/roof/hood. Rewrite mainly uses systems ( themess) vs infrastructure (the fix). Easier to read and understand.

10 - P.S. adds proof. The P.S. is the second most-read line in an email. Adding credibility, "$XB for [#] institutions," is the strongest trust lever to pull here.

11- P.P.S. creates urgency. Ties a hot narrative (stablecoin) to a specific reason to act before he builds the next thing.